just got in the mood to talk about feelings again. But like usual I never say tell them how they really are. I always say them a little different. Example: changing a name in a book for that persons sake, changing the names of places in a movie…etc. I might have already said some of this on the about me page. Most likely I have acutally. Oh well. Also. I never say anything just to get attention. In fact, I get sorta scared when I am the center of attention.
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Before, when I was sad, I would walk alone, eat alone, listen to my music alone…even knwo it is sorta hard to have 2 people listen to music…I also, in that time, noticed something about people in the school. The average person at least. They mainly always thought of themself first. From appearance, material things, to the social aspect of it, having lots of friends, showing off that they had a boyfriend or a girlfriend…meaning excessivly…They don’t notice certin people around them because they arn’t like them. Watching how people act, body motions, the words they said, the things they did stay in that croud of people. Their croud of people. I was stuck on the outside looking in. I never really tried to get in. I looked in and said, wow, I don’t want to be like that. I want to be myself, except that is more lonely. I admit that I am not a social person at all….meaning I am not good at talking to new people. I don’t know what to say. I am shy. I then noticed the people, the very few people, that wern’t like them. Maybe they were like me but in a group. Yet a small group, maybe 2 or 3 people, but still a group. I wanted to be in that group. As much as I don’t like being social, it was killing me not talking to anyone. Everyone ignored me. But if like 5 people came up to me and started talking to me, I probably would have freaked. I realized that I needed to try if I wanted to be with those few people I saw that I wanted to be with. I sorta kept my eye out for them. Seeing how they acted, seeing if they actually noticed me and were the same as me, too shy to say anything, do anything. Wheather they were or not. I watched for long enough. Then I realized I didn’t have a lot of time before the best opertunity would slip by me. My opertunity to open up a little bit. Be with that small croud. I attempted. Worked out okay. I was nervous as hell. Fidgetting a lot before getting the courage to do it. Well after that, a long time passed (break from school that is…no school). I came back and continued my observing. I was then caught by suprise when I got a responce from them in the halls. I was happy. Not quite satisfied though. No talking since when I tried the first time. This went on for a while but then I realized again, My chances were fading fast. My last chance. The last day I had. I almost grew really sad when I didn’t notice them at school at all. Didn’t see them in the halls. I never thought that they might have ditched along with a lot of the school. My day went worse till the end of the day. One of them was there. I was getting my courage to start talking again, but I didn’t have to do much. We both talked at about the same time or so. Talked for alomost the whole period….well I think it was the whole period. I got some ScreenNames (yeah I know, Im geeky I guess cause it was computer related). Since then we have been friends. I have been 40 times happier than I was before talking to them, and especially them talking to me first that last time. Someone noticed me, or noticed my efforts and what I was trying to do.
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Wow….that is a lot of typing. I am sorta glad I typed that. I always have to be in the mood to type my feelings. I think a lot of my site is all typing. I might start to move all of it to the bottom of the About Me page…or just keep the 2 most recent ones on the front page. Well it is bed time. Watched just litterally chimed at me, telling me it is 11pm. I