I really don’t seem to understand my own feelings very well. I can’t figure out why today doesn’t seem to be going well. Is it possible that you really don’t know why you feel bad or feel down but you definitely do? Today and yesterday. I haven’t had time either of these days to sit down and think of why I feel bad neither. Maybe I am forcing myself to now know. Does anyone remember the movie “12 Angry Men” or “12 Angry Jurors”. In that movie they talk about how the old man heard running and thumping down the hall and by the time he got to the door, even know the boy wasn’t really there, he forced himself to believe he was there; he tricked his mind in a way. Maybe that happens to everyone more often than one would think. By me saying this though….does that mean that I know what it is and that is how I am able to come to the conclusion of making myself believe? (<– did that make sense?)
I am going to the Year Zero Listening party. It will be a similar experience to the first one I went to minus one obvious thing. DAMN IT I am pissed off at myself. Fuck