pliSkiNAKE

So yeah, I am moving at the end of the month or sooner. I don’t know exactly where yet but closer to work and school. It is going to be easier but harder as well. I don’t know if I can keep up with payments. I should be able to with my job. I miss people. The nothingness that happened, movies watched, walks, etc. FUCKSHHHHHhhh.

How about that new book Eclipse? Awesome. Yep. *sigh* :-) :-|

Well school started Tuesday. I am officially overwhelmed with school, work, commuting, and now more family….concerns? I spend over 4 hours a day commuting to work/school: get up at 5:30, leave at 6am to catch a 6:11 or 6:22 train. Get to the city about 7:10 and to work about 7:50 or so. Sometimes I work for 3 hours, other times 4 hours before leaving an hour early before I have to be in class. All my classes are at least 3 hours long. Then if it isn’t Wednesday, I go BACK to work after class so I can finish anything else that isn’t done and more so just to get hours. Today I was just given a 5 page critical essay that is due next Friday. I am glad I pretty much finished all my homework for my other classes because adding this was like dropping an ACME safe on my head.

I spent today’s train ride home finishing up 97% of my homework from my favorite class. I don’t know how late I will be up working on this new project, but I hope to maybe finish 25% of it. I hope so. I need to or else I am going to start doing bad things (and bad things don’t help me in ANY way get my homework done, nor help me relax but takes place of relaxing). Then, my mom called me (and my sister later) telling me about something that came in the mail dealing with my dad. Let’s just say my mom will be driving him for a while, a WHILE. But before that she has to take his name off of car titles and put mine on there. She has NO clue how to do that (and neither do I for that matter). My dad is, um…..well he is “in” for the weekend and my mom won’t be able to talk to him till Monday morning when she picks him up. My mom is really stressing over things in a way where I feel bad. But now there isn’t anything I can really do. I don’t even have enough time to eat right, sleep enough, or possibly finish my homework on time. I have even cut my hours down to as little as I need to get done what needs to be done.

I am dieing slowly. Why did the family thing have to get added to all this?

These pictures are ones from back in 2003 when I had black hair. Nothing special about the pictures; no funky editing, no special lighting (as they were takent before that knowledge), just showing off my black hair. You like?
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After production today I saw Chelsea there. It has been a while since I have seen her. Only sometimes when I go do Shelton’s job up at South Barrington do I get to see her. It reminded me of old times when she would be there every Thursday and Sunday morning, brightening up the day for people. I miss her, she was so cool. I also Miss Bill. I was trying to keep in touch with him, have lunch every so often but it stopped happening. I will try and email him in the next few days. Maybe we can still have lunch, or dinner or something soon. I want us to catch up on a few things…okay a lot of things. *sigh* Good times gone by.

Am I setting myself up for disappointment? I hope not. I don’t think I am. I just have to keep in mind what I already know is going to happen in the end. If I know what is going to happen then, and I know that now, I can’t be disappointed in the end. I do believe it is helping me proceed further and beyond what was holding me back. I don’t even feel out of place anymore. I am able to get close. Yeah, none of this is going to make sense to anyone but me (and maybe one other person). Why am I typing this?

Store opens in less than a week. It is coming up soon. Registered for classes today at Columbia College. Maybe (hopefully) hanging out with Beth Friday. Movie? Hell yeah!

Today is starting to suck already. Of course I don’t know why…errr do I? I am working on the Customer Service team today as opposed to the rest of the week and last week where I worked as SSI. It will be a long night. Maybe I just need to eat some fruit or something to wake me up. I don’t know if I felt this way before I came in to work or after I got here at 2pm. I will just look on the brighter side of every situation (like I usually try to do). I have to keep myself busy. I…….I think I know why I feel this way today. I am pretty sure I know.

Well, I took a peaceful bikeride break around the neighborhood. I rode near the new overpass bridge thing for pedestrians. I even saw an old teacher from Monroe. Well, like I said, I was having a peaceful bikeride break and then an old old old friend saw me biking. It was one of those friends that I haven’t talked to in over 4 years. I havne’t talk to him in over for years on purpose because I don’t want to be friends with him. I don’t want anything to do with him. He turned around, tried to talk to me. I believe the most of what I said was hi, im busy, and whatever. I think that was it. He of course continued to try and talk to me, apologise for whatever he did to offend me, and find out where I worked. He was being forceful too.

I don’t understand how he thinks being forceful, making suggestive conversation with someone who obviously doesn’t want to be your friend, or talk to you or anything; how he things doing all of that will change my mind about being friends with him again. If anything it will just give me more of a reason to not be friends with him. Who wants to be friends with someone so forceful? I don’t know why he won’t just let it be at that. Times change. My reasons to not be friends with him don’t have to make sense to him, the fact stands that it is my decision who I want to be friends with, not theirs. It has to be a two person thing to be friends with someone. Damnit, now I really want to walk around and I can’t just because I don’t want to have to see him or ignore him again. Not that I can’t, it is just more work than it is worth and will just cause more problems.

Damn, I looked for multiple pictures to add to this post but couldn’t find one I liked or really related to it. Sorry, maybe next time.

I thought that Philip (well the bottom of Philip) might pull through, but no. The very base of him bent over and I guess it was becoming hollow whereas the upper part was still somewhat solid and sturdy. I had to take him outside and throw him into the garden near some other plants. I miss him. I can’t even seem to keep a cactus. *sigh* Enough downers, where in the hell are the uppers for me huh? This sucks. I am going to bed.

Grr, I hate not knowing what I have to do for schools and not knowing what terms mean. Stupid school terms. I feel so misinformed. I need to register for classes but I don’t know what classes I need to take. I don’t know when I should send in my transfer because I am still in school and taking classes that need to be transfered. I don’t even know the actual name of my Major. I guess it would be under film. *shrug* I got my oasis number about two weeks ago (the school number thing that is sorta similar to your SSN). I was looking on the Columbia website and it looks as if some of the classes I THINK I need are already full. I wasn’t even told when I could start regsitering for classes. It also sounds as if orientation already happened. CONFUSION! CONFUSION! CONFUSION! *having confusion thrown at me* I tried calling them but I don’t even know what to ask for since I don’t know what all the terms mean anymore. Councilors, Guidance councilors, advisors, student affairs…*walks away from computer*

Poor Philip. Philip was the name of my cactus that sat in my window. My dad came into my room this morning around 9:30 to open my window. He was turing on the house exhaust fan. I have a thick black curtan over my window and Philip sits on a metal homemade shelf. I guess my dad didn’t know he was there, went to open the curtain and knocked him over. Philip fell over and….and broke in half. I know it was an accident. My dad probably feels really bad about it. I woke up right away to help clean up the mess of dirt and such. I still have to do more cleaning of it but that won’t happen until Monday after school. I don’t know if I could care Philip back to life or not. He has two little spurts of cacti coming up beside him that might still make it. I tried Googling something but I couldn’t find anything.

Obituary:
Philip (cactus) died this morning at 9:31am in Winfield, Illinois. He died from a karate chop (slight hand movement) to the abdomin in which he fell over and broke in half. Philip was in his familys house. We will miss him dearly.