pliSkiNAKE

Well school started Tuesday. I am officially overwhelmed with school, work, commuting, and now more family….concerns? I spend over 4 hours a day commuting to work/school: get up at 5:30, leave at 6am to catch a 6:11 or 6:22 train. Get to the city about 7:10 and to work about 7:50 or so. Sometimes I work for 3 hours, other times 4 hours before leaving an hour early before I have to be in class. All my classes are at least 3 hours long. Then if it isn’t Wednesday, I go BACK to work after class so I can finish anything else that isn’t done and more so just to get hours. Today I was just given a 5 page critical essay that is due next Friday. I am glad I pretty much finished all my homework for my other classes because adding this was like dropping an ACME safe on my head.

I spent today’s train ride home finishing up 97% of my homework from my favorite class. I don’t know how late I will be up working on this new project, but I hope to maybe finish 25% of it. I hope so. I need to or else I am going to start doing bad things (and bad things don’t help me in ANY way get my homework done, nor help me relax but takes place of relaxing). Then, my mom called me (and my sister later) telling me about something that came in the mail dealing with my dad. Let’s just say my mom will be driving him for a while, a WHILE. But before that she has to take his name off of car titles and put mine on there. She has NO clue how to do that (and neither do I for that matter). My dad is, um…..well he is “in” for the weekend and my mom won’t be able to talk to him till Monday morning when she picks him up. My mom is really stressing over things in a way where I feel bad. But now there isn’t anything I can really do. I don’t even have enough time to eat right, sleep enough, or possibly finish my homework on time. I have even cut my hours down to as little as I need to get done what needs to be done.

I am dieing slowly. Why did the family thing have to get added to all this?

Well, I took a peaceful bikeride break around the neighborhood. I rode near the new overpass bridge thing for pedestrians. I even saw an old teacher from Monroe. Well, like I said, I was having a peaceful bikeride break and then an old old old friend saw me biking. It was one of those friends that I haven’t talked to in over 4 years. I havne’t talk to him in over for years on purpose because I don’t want to be friends with him. I don’t want anything to do with him. He turned around, tried to talk to me. I believe the most of what I said was hi, im busy, and whatever. I think that was it. He of course continued to try and talk to me, apologise for whatever he did to offend me, and find out where I worked. He was being forceful too.

I don’t understand how he thinks being forceful, making suggestive conversation with someone who obviously doesn’t want to be your friend, or talk to you or anything; how he things doing all of that will change my mind about being friends with him again. If anything it will just give me more of a reason to not be friends with him. Who wants to be friends with someone so forceful? I don’t know why he won’t just let it be at that. Times change. My reasons to not be friends with him don’t have to make sense to him, the fact stands that it is my decision who I want to be friends with, not theirs. It has to be a two person thing to be friends with someone. Damnit, now I really want to walk around and I can’t just because I don’t want to have to see him or ignore him again. Not that I can’t, it is just more work than it is worth and will just cause more problems.

Damn, I looked for multiple pictures to add to this post but couldn’t find one I liked or really related to it. Sorry, maybe next time.

Grr, I hate not knowing what I have to do for schools and not knowing what terms mean. Stupid school terms. I feel so misinformed. I need to register for classes but I don’t know what classes I need to take. I don’t know when I should send in my transfer because I am still in school and taking classes that need to be transfered. I don’t even know the actual name of my Major. I guess it would be under film. *shrug* I got my oasis number about two weeks ago (the school number thing that is sorta similar to your SSN). I was looking on the Columbia website and it looks as if some of the classes I THINK I need are already full. I wasn’t even told when I could start regsitering for classes. It also sounds as if orientation already happened. CONFUSION! CONFUSION! CONFUSION! *having confusion thrown at me* I tried calling them but I don’t even know what to ask for since I don’t know what all the terms mean anymore. Councilors, Guidance councilors, advisors, student affairs…*walks away from computer*

So I am here at work. It is dead as hell now. I have so much trouble trying to make multiple people happy when they both want opposites. I know it can work, I just don’t know how. I try to work harder myself to make them happy, but in the end, it only works half-assed in my favor. I got ahead on break charts. *shrug* I came to work early, 3 hours early. I keep doing stupid stuff like that. I read the schedule wrong, or actually next week’s schedule. Doing all these break charts a week in advance is really messing me up I think. Well, I didn’t want to spend the time to drive home. I knew if did that, I would just sit on the computer and do stuff that wouldn’t be productive but niether would it be relaxing. Instead, I went over to borders, picked up Twilight and started reading it where I left off from my hospital trip with my sister on Thursday. I read 100 pages in 2 and a half hours. I was relaxing to me I think. This time, yes I do want to finish it. I want to be reading it right now, but I don’t want to rush anything either. I want to exhaust the book, know all the meanings, look up words I don’t know. I want to really analyze it.

I think everything was good up until Kelly got on my nerves. I know she was right, but just the way she said it made me feel like shit. It made me look stupid. She has a way with that and I hate it. I let it get to me, so that ruined the night for me I think. If she would have said it in an informational way, it would have been okay I think. oh well.

Right now I am listening to “Pink Floyd - Animals - Dogs.” The lyrics below is the part I like the best. The way it is all said and the sound of it all. I just like it a lot.

Who was born in a house full of pain
Who was trained not to spit in the fan
Who was told what to do by the man
Who was broken by trained personnel
Who was fitted with collar and chain
Who was given a pat on the back
Who was breaking away from the pack
Who was only a stranger at home

I want to go back to being a robot. I just do what I usually do: go to school, go to work, do homeowork, production, rocky, then come home and sleep. Day after day. I just did it, no questions, no complaining. I just gotta suck it up, not show anything. That way no one asks questions. If I act as if nothing is wrong, there is no issue with anything, then poeple will stop asking what is wrong. They don’t have to know anything, they don’t care anyway. No one cares anyway. No one ever really cares. Well that isn’t true, but for a lot of people most of the time….no one really cares. They are all just words: “Ohh, I’m sorry, that sucks.” “It could be worse.” and ones I really hate “Oh that happened to me too.” “I had one of those days too…” and “If it makes you feel any better, I (blah blah blah) (something that is just as bad or worse)” No it does not make me feel better. If I am talking to you about something like this you are probably a good friend. So why in the hell would your misfortune make ME feel better?! I don’t want you to feel bad. Faking my mood is a good way out. I think only one person has been able to decode that, (and it has been a while since then). We will have to see.

It’s happening again, the cycle is back with my dad. I hope it isn’t as bad this time. I need to work more, I need more classes to occupy my time. Maybe more places to go or something. I don’t want to go back down that road. Also this affects money issues for the family, the house, etc. Maybe I should move out. Maybe I shouldn’t stick it out here like I was planning on. At least I might have another person to talk about stuff with…maybe. I am hesitant. Do I know this person enough, probably not. But I feel it is still okay to talk with “them.” Maybe it would help to get to know this person more. I guess I will find out soon enough. Finals to study for right now…

I hate this blog thing. It wasn’t loading for me for a long time. I have no real use for it. I want to intigrate it more with my website. I have to find a way. There is still so much I want to do with it. I don’t have the time. My mood is reflecting the tone of this post quite a bit. I hope my server doesn’t crash like it did for a week a little bit ago.

Before I talk about what I promised in my last post, I had to talk about New Moon first. New Moon is the sequel to Twilight. I just finished reading it as well. It continues the story, for the most part, where it left off. I don’t have much time to comment on it because it being late enough for me to need to get to sleep for school in the morning. I hope I feel just as eager to express my deep feelings tomorrow. Now is the best time for them, while they are fresh, but if I do that, I would be depriving myself of much needed sleep. This is going to tear at me all night….ugggg

I am reading a book called Twilight. (yes I said reading) My sister was describing it to me because I needed a book for school. She also let me borrow her copy. I started reading and I noticed I couldn’t put the book down. I was bringing it everywhere I went. I stopped coming home and going straight to my computer. That said a lot.

It is about a girl that moved to Forks, Washington, a small town. She notices that abour 4 of the kids at the small school she is going to act sort of strange, yet they are very, very attractive. I won’t give too much away but they are vampires. That is why it intrests me so much. I love stories or movies that involve vampires. It intrigues me. I finished the book today, early this morning. After checking some internet things (email, people online, logs of many variety) my dad gave me a package that came in the mail. It was New Moon, the sequel to Twilight. I ordered it about 3 or 4 days ago. I have already gotten 4 chapers into the book. There is more to why I am talking about it though. I will explain in the next post.

Well, I just did my first solo Directing for Willow Creek DuPage. It went quite well. At first I was confident. I though: “Hey, this is easy. You have done it before at TCD. How different could it be?” Then the time crunch started leaning on me. It was 6pm and we had not finished sound check. It was all the stupid small things that were holding us back, along with 3 people trying to figure audio problems out. It was really stressing out the audio guy. Anyway, once we started the service, it was all down hill from there. (and I mean that in a good way, the “Hey, I don’t have to peddle my bike anymore” way) Everything went quite smooth, so smooth that while looking in my backpack, I saw I had Biger with me, and started taking pictures of him “running the show.”

I am guessing at least two people up in the booth were looking at me funny but I don’t mind. Yeah, it wasn’t professional, but I still pulled off a professional service. I was told that Shelton was quite nervous because it was a full band. Yes, I do belive I forgot to mention that. Full band: Full drum set, 2 electric guitars, 1 accoustic guitar, 1 bass guitar, keyboard, and 5 vocalists, plus the video feed. It was quite a big show, no wonder he was nervous. Unfortunately I can’t be there for the Tuesday Thanksgiving service; I have work and can’t get out of it. Oh well. Next time.